my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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