First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
