im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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