just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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