You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
