Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
