why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize