I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize