Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Best friends brother. Beat that.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
