I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
