I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
