Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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