apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
