Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
