I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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