So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
