I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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