Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
