Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
