he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
