When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
