I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
