so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
