Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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