I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
