if only i could text you this smell
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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