i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
