I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
