My first STD was from a foam party
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
