We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
