Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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