Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
