Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
