Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
