I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
