you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize