At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
