Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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