I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
