Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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