i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
