Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
