508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
