hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
