sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
