operation harelip BJ is a go
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
