I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize