I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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