so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
