You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
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