I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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