and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
