I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
