I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We talked him into tasing himself.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
