The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
