Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
