no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
