my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize