my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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