if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm like, not good at living.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
