he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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