Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
