i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
