Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize