How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
