Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
