Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
