my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
i think i just lost a toe
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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