She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
we're so committed to being not committed
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
